lyrics and selfesteem



Have you heard the beautiful song "The Writer" by Ellie Goulding? At one point, she sings:


"But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay?
Why don't you be the writer
Decide the words I say?
Cause I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask
Won't you try to help me?"

I could be way off here, but it feels like she's asking him to decide who she is. By "writing her words" and "making her out of clay", is she asking him to tell her what to say and how to look? I'm assuming she's just trying too hard to be the girl of his dreams, feeling flawed and not good enough to be his, maybe she wants him to spell out exactly what his dreamgirl will talk like and look like so she can change and become just that.

What someone needs to tell her is that if she's in his arms, she is already the girl of his dreams. She needs help to build the self esteem to see that she is exactly who she needs to be for him to love her. But I understand, if she looks in the mirror and sees a disaster that doesn't deserve the wonderful people in her life, it must be hard for her to accept that she's loveable just the way she is.

Sixpence None The Richer sang something similar:

"So I'm changing who I am
because what I am's not good
And I know you love me now
But I don't see why you should"

It's sad, really. What stops them from loving who they are? 

I wish there was a cure for people who feel like that. But as of yet, there is none. Compliments and loving words of reassurance go in one ear, but are forced out the other by negative thoughts and feelings.

I just hope that one day they will look back at a photo of themselves in their loved ones arms and think "I see it now, the smile on his face is all the proof I need. I AM the girl he's always dreamed of."



On the other hand. . .

Ok, maybe my last entry was exaggerated and stupid. Rage ranting isn't my strong side, and I think I need to correct myself.

My mom once told me that if it feels like everything is coming at me at once, I'm probably in the wrong lane. I can apply that to my current issue - if everyone feels like I'm trying to change something that really doesn't need improvement, maybe they're right? Instead of trying to become a different person, why not just focus on strengthening the aspects of my life that I'm already decently proud of?
You know the whole SOPA Act issue that's all the rage right now? I've been told that's just another distraction to get worked up about so people ignore bigger issues like healthcare and poverty etc. Brilliant tactic, really. Am I doing that to myself? Over-reacting and going nuts over something that really isn't as important as other thoughts and feelings that I harbor?

I have a feeling that I need to dig deeper. Figure out what I'm distracting myself from. Either that or I'm just crazy ;) hehe
Anyway, enough with the serious junk! Now - pictures!! :D


This picture is now the wallpaper on my cellphone ^^ 14 months together and I still get butterflies! ;)



Zid being snuggly as always!


Andreas's kitten who after ca 5 months still doesn't have a real name xD

ego pic!



When did this storm begin?

“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." - Author Unknown

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks - this is exactly what I've been looking for. Why hold back from "the essence of life"? Ok, "essence of life" may be a bit exaggerated, but you know what I mean. If you know that you have the potential to become something better, someone happier/ more loveable/ more outgoing, etc. why not let go of what you've always been to work on becoming that  " YOU, version 2.0"? 

The biggest problem is when your loved ones are all terrified of change. Friends and family who mean well when they say "I like you just the way you are", and think that all change is bad change. Is it that they don't believe that you are capable of achieving your goals, and therefore try to stop you from even trying?

Do you love your friends and family enough to let them break out of their previoius problems?

Extreme example: Your best friend in the whole wide world is a drug addict. You love this friend to death and even though you know the addiction is killing him, that it's making him miserable and is tearing his life apart, you don't make any effort to help him break free. "I love him for who he is, I love everything else about him so his drug problem is just a small insignifcant part of his otherwise fantastic character."

Ridiculous, right? Absolutely.



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